The Germinator

DISCLAIMER: John From Cincinnati and its canon characters are the property of HBO and the show's producers; no copyright infringement is intended.

Written by KatieDorrII

[Tina, in voiceover]

"3 Billion human lives dead on September 11th 2014. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war 'Judgement Day'. They lived, only to face a new nightmare. The war against the germinator machines."

A surfer wearing nothing but a Speedo and a smile aerials his oiled-up body expertly into IB.

A raggety group huddle around a barrel fire roasting Twinkies, the only food to survive the blast, and watch the surfer with interest and suspicion.
"Where did HE come from?"
"Why isn't he wearing a wetsuit?"
"I didn't see him paddle out."

"He's probably a beaner, just miscalculated the border." said Joe. These days he smuggled people into Mexico, with somewhat less success.

Since the nuclear winter began 3 years ago no one had been in the freezing water, yet Mitch ranted on about competitive surfing. The nuclear holocaust had been a minor irritation compared to Cissy's smoking, and his anger at Linc continued unabated.


As he walks onto dry land, Shaun walks toward him, as if compelled.

"How's it goin'?"

"I need your clothes, your shoes, and your skateboard" the stranger replies, in a thick, unfamiliar accent. "Vee haf to get out of the city immediately. "

"I guess, but I gotta stop by my house first."

"Negative. Zat is not a mission priority. Besides, your grandparents are dead."

"Oh. They have the keys to my El Camino."

"Okay but make it quick." he replies, and turns to address the group.
"I'll be back in the game. Hasta la vista, baby."

Vietnam Joe: "I told you guys he was a taco-bender! Hey, wait up, muchacho! I'll give you a ride if ya tengo any dinero."

He and Shaun walk with Joe to his van, when Cissy appears waving her gun and looking frantic.

"Oh hi Gram. I thought you were dead." Shaun said evenly.

"I lied. I vanted to avoid zat woman's tone of voice."

"Look who's talkin', you squarehead," Cissy sneared. "You fuckin' Nazi idiot with your fuckin' gap teeth and your fruity little shorts. Surfing must be a little rough on your nuts, if you have any--"

"Do I look German to you, bitch?" Picking Cissy up with one hand he sends her flying into a brick wall. It sounds like a melon dropped from a rooftop.

"Dude, that was awesome! But you can't just go around killing people even if they deserve it, like Gram."

"Vy not? I'm de Germinator."
"I thought you weren't German...."

"What the hell's going on here?" Bill Jacks barks, walking briskly up from the beach. "What's your name, where are you taking Shaun?"

"It's okay Bill. This is my friend, ... from Germany, I think."

"Forget Germany. He looks like an Austrian pervert to me. I'll ask again, who are you and where are you taking Shaun?"

As they're talking, we see Cissy in the background. Only temporarily stunned, she's busy loading her revolver and lighting a cigarette.

"My mission is to protect Shaun. It's in your nature to destroy yourselves. Your clothes. Give them to me now."

"I'm undertaking inquiries tomorrow, you pervert. I'll guarantee that goddamn much."

"Talk to da hand, dickwad."


[Tina, in voiceover]

"Of all the would-be fathers, this thing, this germinator, was the only one that measured up, if you get my crosseyed drift. It would never leave him. It would never hurt him, never shout at him. Never get high and show him how to---"

"Shut up you fucking whore!" Cissy screams, firing randomly into the air.

[fade to black]